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Showing posts from November, 2017

To smooch or not to smooch.

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I wonder if Indians smooch?


They do? Really? Have they always smooched or it is some new found sexual angle? Oh, forget it!How does it matter? With our population, nothing matters.

I had an idea about smooching back in school- the year 1996. You know how Chinese whisper works. When it came to ‘smooching’ what came to me was something to do with tongue and esophagus. The implementation happened 15 years later in the most unsophisticated, an ‘atrangi’ and unhygienic way. For a middle-class Indian who is raised with the mantra- ‘jootha nahi khate’, smooching = sin. Unsanitary sin.

Forget it! I am not a fan of smooch. But what if my kid is? The thing is that the biological clock and the academic clock are in direct conflict when you enter your teens or hit your puberty. Just when the world is putting the right kind of pressure on you to go to Stanford, your mind is solving calculus equation, your body is doing its own weird calculation...size? Inches? Bang!Bang!Bang!

You want your child to sm…

I am so sorry, I am late!

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I got invited for a birthday party. The time read 7:00pm, 10th November 2017.
Notorious for being on time, I thought to caution them well in advance…. you see just in case they are in the shower when I arrive. ;)
Dear Host,

“Thank you for the invitation. Dhruv is turning 5 and we would love to be part of the celebrations. I thought it would be good to let you know that I will come at 7:00pm as stated in the invitation card. May be 5 minutes before. Kindly put that Tandoori chicken (which would be marinating) in the oven. Move your butt and dress your child. It is not great to see the birthday boy running around naked, swinging his underwear. Try to set up the place and yourself, because I am going to be on time. Do not for a moment think that I am anywhere close to Indiangiri or the Indian standard time. You see, if you want me to come at 7:30 pm, please write it so. I cannot assume by some magical power that you wrote 7:00 pm and meant 8. See you guys soon. I love tandoori chicken and g…

My daughter, her first day of menstruation, her sexuality and her life.

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Dear Love,
You started your menstruation today. I know it is painful and difficult for you today but trust you will adjust well. I am there for you. I am glad you chose me to be your friend in this journey. I am not surprised that you knew about menstruation. It's just that knowing the right thing is important so that you are not misinformed about all kinds of bodily changes you will observe in near future.

Remember, nothing changes in your life, though. You play and run, you eat and have fun the way you have been doing.  Maintain good hygiene habits and change your sanitary pad when needed. If you want to wear a white dress, go ahead. You may encounter an instance or two where you may find that you have stained your skirt or your legging. That's just an accident and I expect you to walk to the washroom and change, come back and resume what you were doing. This is NORMAL. There can be times where you will be not feeling very well due to cramps in your lower abdomen. If someone (…