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Either you teach him or let life do the job. PART 2

For every failure can be turned around with hard work and persistence. This is my favorite. For being a writer, I know how important it is to learn persistence. What is persistence? In layman’s term, it ‘NOT GIVING UP DESPITE ODDS”. It’s easy to give up and difficult to hang on. How do we do that?
Wait before you praise and reward the child- We have a tendency to shoot a GOOD JOB the moment the baby took his first step, the toddler scribbled for the first time, the preschooler did a jig, or the kindergartner built a Lego structure. Don’t you think the child can become immune to it, he will expect it for every little thing he does and then looks up and wonder- where is my  'good job?' No harm in saying a good job but what is the point in blurting it out at every twist and turn?

Do not praise your child for being smart. Try to look for what went in solving that math problem. Was it his focus? Was it patience? Praise him for his efforts.  Psychologist says that children who are praised more for their natural intelligence and talents rather than patience, focus or hard work, often give up quickly when faced with tasks they don’t think they can do. Why? Because they believe more in their gifted intelligence and talent and less on ‘ I can also do it if I work hard.'  When you have a child who has been acknowledged for the process and not only the result, the child picks up the cues and pays emphasis on the process and not only the results. He also knows how to persist in the face of difficulties, lose gracefully and spring back.

I want him to learn, to honestly believe that he cannot have his twin all around him. That it is neither feasible nor desirable. It's the variety which makes life rich. It also poses uncomfortable situations but only when you learn to respect different people around you with different tastes, habits, culture and perspective that you become open to human experience.

Have you noticed that while somebody is talking to you, we are constantly engaged in a burdensome listening? The burden to agree or do not agree with what the other person is saying.  The mental calculations are forever going on because we fancy talking and believe that listening in itself is no big art. Unless we give our expert opinion, the discussion is pretty useless. Yes, the conversation requires our comments too but can’t we first learn just to listen, without prejudices, judgment and the burden.

Easier said than done. Had somebody told me about this, I wouldn't have painful and endlessly ended up in a long battle to change my dad and remain distant and detached from him for so long. One of the most valuable lessons and life skill is that we are all imperfect and to know that despite this imperfection everyone brings with themselves their beauty and positivity. It's wise to know that the effort to change someone as per own taste is futile.  To truly love any person, your parent, your brother or your partner, the best you can give him in the relationship is ACCEPTANCE of who he or she is. We are not talking about bad habits. We are talking about a person and his way of being. For every negative, I can bet there is a positive to compensate. One just needs to look around. But if we are too hung up on perfection, too hung up on  how the other person ought to be, we are going to end up in a lifelong battle without any result.

Self and others and life. To understand what is in his area of control (things he can change) and what is in the field of influence (things he cannot change) and accept the consequences with either. Isn’t it true that once we accept…we only move forward.

Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it. Michael J. Fox
These are my top 6 life skills. The last three are relationship-centric but isn’t it true that one doesn’t eat the bread alone. A man is a social animal and now a socially digital one. :)

Whether I will eventually succeed in making my son strong and resilient is yet to be seen. I am not stopping my efforts though.


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