I am Applefied. I am Facebooked. I am Amazoned.
Everyone seems to be writing letters these days, so I thought I should jump the bandwagon and ‘Dell’ out my thoughts.
Can you please put a restriction button on the number of 'Friends' that I can have? For example, on my birthday, some 85-people wished me (some of whom I have never met), but that day when I was sick with pneumonia, only two turned up, that also when I called them for help. So unfair.
Also, can you please remove that 'Like' button? It creates anxiety if I have 1000 friends and only 30 likes come for that 'selfie’ I took near the Grand Canyon and that picture while I was cooking food in the kitchen. I deserve at least 999. Not fair again. Right?
No.of Posts- A sincere request. Can we please have a restriction on the number of pictures that FB can display? I mean, 114 pictures of the engagement ceremony is a bit too much to handle. And if three ‘friends’ are getting engaged, it drowns me totally. Not to forget, there are wedding ceremonies, honeymoon, second honeymoon, baby showers, the first day after delivering a baby, the first day of baby coming home, second baby and then the second baby coming home, the first step, the first run, the first rhyme, the first alphabet, the first day of school and the list goes on.
Dear FB Friends (real-life, next door, a street away, miles away, another city, another country, met once, met twice, often meet, meet every day, never met, never intend to meet, will meet someday, bumped into, crashed into and so on... never mind)-This is important, so read carefully. You do not have to post a minute-to-minute update of your personal life on Facebook and expect me to ping in a 'Like' and post a comment. Trust me; it’s not easy. I feel JEALOUUSSSSSS. :):(:):(. Your dazzling life posts and pictures blind me, and I suffer heartburn. MY BAD. But you can be considerate. Have some mercy. By the way, why are you so obsessed with yourself and your regular or irregular life? You do it every time- Breakfast, lunch, dinner, festival, regular day, irregular day, your birthday, child's birthday, hubby’s birthday, Mother in law anniversary day, restaurants you check out, cakes you try, pumpkin patches you go, hiking trails, mountain you climb, oceans you swim and beaches you sunbathe, awards, appreciations, trophies, a pat on the back a motorbike ride, a car ride, an auto ride, a cycle ride, a brisk walk, an evening walk, gymming, playing, cooking, eating, reading, watching, sleeping...and the list goes on. Whyyyyyy? You think I am interested to know about itsy bitsy bits of your life. Do you think I am available? Then I guess you are RIGHT. Somehow I am. MY BAD again.
Dear Friend-Respect my life too. Don't post obessesively. Please understand. It creates unnecessary anxiety in me, and even if I would have just returned from a vacation in Hawaii, I feel tempted to pack my bags and go to Paris...huh- because you just vacationed there. By the way, is Paris really that beautiful? Did you wear that LBD and cut your birthday cake birthday at Eiffel Tower Restaurant? Awwwww. That's so cute. Next time, I will also cut a cake there. I will talk about it with my hubby today. Phew.
Then comes my son and interrupts me in my Paris thoughts- "Mamma, Kaushik's Dad got a new bike for him. It’s really nice. I want it too." I look at him, puzzled. He already has a bike. I look at him with those big thoughtful eyes and eyebrows slightly raised and say-"You have one, Dad got it six months back, and you ride it so well. You can't always be comparing what you have versus what others have. It's not a healthy habit. There will always be someone who has more than you. And there will always be someone who doesn't have what you have. When your bike wears out, or you outgrow it, then we will look for another bike for you." He dashes out of the house, and I sigh heavily-"Kids, these days" and return to my Paris thoughts.
And as if Facebook wasn't enough, his close aid WhatsApp invaded our life, and we know how precious those pings are. How do I wish WhatsApp didn't have the 'read' sign? Wouldn’t life be a little less complicated? It won't leave you wondering - ‘Ohhkkk, she saw my message and hasn’t replied yet?”Haha.
My dearest Apple,
As a fruit, I loathed you. I preferred grapes and papaya over you all the time. And what revenge you took. Like a sulky boyfriend, just because I refused you then, you have invaded my life full storm. Huh. Now I have you everywhere. You have 'Applefied' my life. I like you now, though. You have become better and smarter. Ok, Ok...Yes, I love you. Happy? But I am not. Hey, listen - Sometimes I look at you and feel like asking you- Why did you make a smartphone? My father was living well back in the 1980s. My friends and in general people will agree that life then was simpler and enjoyable. Though every period has its beauty and challenges, human beings tend to glorify the past and fear the future more than what it was or will become. The only thing they don't do is live in the 'present.' But inventing a smartphone has made me look stupid in front of that tiny, sleek, shining device. Do you think I am that dumb? This smartphone ensures that he can provide assistance for everything I do (except for breathing). Why? If you were less smart, I would have relied less on you and made more use of 'MYSELF.' I am more scared of losing you than losing my way in life. Your revised features are like old wine in a new bottle, but I want the new bottle. That addictive you are. Your pings and reminders, unlimited apps, and your ability to bring the world in my fist... are stupendous. How I wish you weren't this smart. You didn’t even spare my child. Your kid-friendly products are so magnetic that he wants to ‘run inside you’ rather than ‘outside.' Let him run on the green grass, friend and jump the rocks.
And as if you were not enough, you brought a new friend along- Amazon.
My new-found love Amazon,
You came, You saw, and You conquered. You have revolutionized the way we shop. That humble and chatty shopkeeper is now dancing on my fingertips as I browse through all that you offer and I want. But how I wish you didn’t have that wish list section. It’s not great when items move from wish list to 'delete.' You know, sometimes wishes are only wishes and never move to the check-out. Why do you have so many delivery options to choose from? Same-Day Delivery, One-Day Shipping, Two-Day Shipping, FREE Standard Shipping, FREE No-Rush Shipping. I learned back in school that ‘Patience is virtuous.' I won't be getting these delivery options for everything in my life, but you have raised my expectations. 'Same day delivery'- I clicked it once to got a pair of swim goggles, and I didn't even have my swimming classes that day. Why this impatience? I am in no hurry. Why are you in a hurry to deliver it to me? Are you trying to make me impatient? From the patio to the kitchen, pets beauty products to auto products, books to CDs and crafts to toys- 30 departments under your brand selling everything imaginable, but I am not happy. Exercising my choice is great but can you help me with a little instruction booklet on 'CHOOSE'?
I ponder over these and meander over other-
Why do I post so much? What is it within me that I want to check and not check people's posts simultaneously? Strange.
Do people wait for my mindless and random post, or is it just an automatic pop-up that happens on their screen by being ‘friends’ on FB?
Will they ping me, call me if they didn’t see me around on FB for few days?
The TV has 1000 channels, and it’s difficult to find one that truly interests me.
My phone has a camera, and I am clicking and capturing anything and everything on the device rather than being more engaged in the experience and locking it in my heart. So I let the moment go by as I keep clicking one after another.
What if MS Office automatically shuts down after 6 pm?
What if greetings and wishes of all kinds could only happen in person or on the call? I would know who matters and who cares.
I wish those emoji were for real. I write ROFLbut keep sitting on my chair. Had I rolled, I would have at least burnt a calorie.
I wonder whether our needs created technology or technology created needs in us?
The beauty and charm of the cotton clouds and the dazzling sun, glistening waves, and fresh green leaves are best when experienced with arms wide open and eyes closed. But, unfortunately, I got Facebooked, Applefied, and Amazoned.