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Tuesday, 14 November 2017

To smooch or not to smooch.




I wonder if Indians smooch?
Yeh ishq nahi asaan, ek aag ka dariya hai aur kuud ke jaana hai



They do? Really? Have they always smooched or it is some new found sexual angle?
Oh, forget it!How does it matter? With our population, nothing matters.


I had an idea about smooching back in school- the year 1996. You know how Chinese whisper works. When it came to ‘smooching’ what came to me was something to do with tongue and esophagus. The implementation happened 15 years later in the most unsophisticated, an ‘atrangi’ and unhygienic way. For a middle-class Indian who is raised with the mantra- ‘jhoota nahi khate’, smooching = sin. Unsanitary sin.


Forget it! I am not a fan of smooch. But what if my kid is? The thing is that the biological clock and the academic clock are in direct conflict when you enter your teens or hit your puberty. Just when the world is putting the right kind of pressure on you to go to Stanford, your mind is solving calculus equation, your body is doing its own weird calculation...size? Inches? Bang!Bang!Bang!


You want your child to smooch?
YES! But to his wife.
NO! Not to anyone but his wife.
The sole proprietor of the coveted smooch becomes the wife who god knows will come when? Who takes care of the hormones till her flight lands?


Dog? Eww
Cat?Eww
Barbie doll?Eww


None? Really? Is it so simple?


A smooch is like a phuchkaa of Kolkata. Unhygienic but the most savoured. Who cares what goes in as long as the taste buds are titillated. When you see phuchkaas all around, your body shouting from top and bottom for phuchkaas, is it not easy to give in to the temptation?


SMOOCH is not a PHUCHKAA.


A phuchkaa stops and get out the next day through the alimentary canal, out through the anus. A smooch doesn't stop at a smooch. And that is where the problem is? That is what is troubling, disconcerting and getting the Indian parents psyched up. What is the safety net that your child will not smooch or get into sexual intimacy at a time when the body is craving for it more than the oxygen?


Take a needle and a thread, black one, ‘nazar na lage’, and sew his lips. No bamboo, no flute...hence no melody. Ha!Ha!Ha!


Dear Indian moms( including me),
Don’t fear. Try to operate out of trust, communication and acceptance. This ain't a safety net though but would go a long way in ensuring that your child makes the right choices for his /her life. Right and wrong are culture-specific. So keep it aside. It's too loose a thing to hold someone back, too fragile to be handled by a teen. I don't think I would bring it.


What I would bring in is this. You may choose what you want to bring...phuchkaa or kadhi.


Dearest Son,
I will keep it short and simple, unlike my letter which should be awarded a PhD degree by now. Remember what we spoke yesterday. I am reiterating it here once more. Why? Because I care for you.  Nothing before, nothing beyond.


You know Karan, teens are the best time of the whole life. The excitement and energy that you feel with each passing moment are incomparable. Live it to the fullest. But, live it RESPONSIBLY.


I am rooting for your own choices
The environment around you is teeming with risk-taking behaviour( drugs and substance abuse, motorbike speed, sexual encounters and dangerous selfies), high energy level, thumping testosterone and experimentation of all kind.I don't think you can alienate yourself from the environment. But, make your own choices.


Your decisions should be yours and not dictated by what your friend thinks. You see, friendship is a beautiful relationship and needs to be earned. Earning one friend in the true sense of the word is a lifetime achievement. I am glad you have good friends around. What you need to keep in mind is that they are but all of your age and with your level of maturity and an understanding of the world. That may not necessarily be in the best of your interest. In doubt, try me and Daddy once before embarking upon an unknown terrain. I hope myself and Daddy have been able to establish some trust and some transparency. You know what your grandfather says- ' Life will force you into many things. You cave in or you don't define how strong you are as a person.Smoking, alcohol and drugs (unless prescribed by a physician) are a bane to life. It's easy to start and difficult to let go here. Also, don't forget, you are known by the company you keep. Keep a company which inspires you towards LIFE and not takes you away from it.'


I am rooting for commitment.
Just understand that liking someone or having a  crush is fine. It will happen to you every day. It happened to me too. :)
Committing to a serious relationship with someone is different. You will feel that ‘LOVE’ is happening to you here, there and everywhere but that’s not true. They are extremely fleeting and transitory feelings associated with the age you are in and will disappear once you see another pretty girl. Don’t trust these feelings too much. Let them COME and GO. And when you feel this is something more than a crush, come to me. Let's talk about LOVE.
Should you commit to a serious relationship? Should you get physically intimate or emotionally close to that special someone? There are researchers who have found out that more people now believe that sexual intercourse before marriage is alright as long as you are emotionally committed to each other. On the face value it looks fair but to me it is irresponsible. Committing to a relationship and entering into sexual intimacy is a big step.  It may start with ‘just a friend', then lead to a friendly kiss, a sexual smooch and then to sexual intercourse. IT JUST DOESN'T STOP AT A KISS OR A SMOOCH. This entire cycle is concerning. What if your partner becomes pregnant?Do you think you are ready or will be ready in near future for such responsibility?  You may chip in and say that one can use protection. Yes, it is safe but it doesn't save you from the harrowing DISTRACTION. This distraction can cost you physical, emotional, mental well being. It comes at a price. To me, paying such a big price is not fair. I wonder if this distraction had a productive end result? Unfortunately, it is a dark tunnel which does not see the light of the day.To me, sorting out your career should be a priority. Once that is sorted out, you are in a better position 'situation wise' and 'age wise' to take relationship decisions. Not everything needs to be experienced right away. You have a long way to commit to someone and trust- I will be rooting for that special someone in your life. Take your time. Do not rush. It will happen to you and happen in the most beautiful way. Wait for the right time. Make informed choices. At the end, I shall not dictate what you should do or you should not do. I shall only guide and make you aware of the consequences each choice brings. At the end, it will be your decision and I am sure you will make the right choices. And even if some choices do go wrong, it’s life, I will not abandon you. Never!


Lastly, I want to let you know that what you are feeling or going through is completely normal/natural. I have gone through it myself and so has your dad. We truly understand. We made mistakes and learnt valuable life lessons. I am rooting for your MISTAKES but just be cautious. We were fortunate that our mistakes were not irreparable. It did not damage us in ways that shook the very foundation of our life. Thanks to your grandparents, they stood by us and held us when we stumbled. We are there to hold you too. We trust you and we want you to trust us.


Love
Maa.
To patronize and come across as saints will only create more disconnect between you and your child. If you need to connect with him better, want him to listen to you, share with you, you need to go back when you were a teen. Were you a saint back then? 

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