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Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Well-Being- Refurbish your 'MUST'.



...for there aren't any MUST's in life,

And if there are...they MUST NOT be.

I MUST do well every time, each time,
and win approval of every one, each one,
However hard I try, I do not get it right.
But, why do I try so hard?


THEY MUST
treat me kind and fair,

They need to be flogged and whipped for not liking 'ME'
I try in desperation, just how do I manage?
To hold people by leash and command them to like me.

To MUST
get my want , to not get what I don't want,

I scurry  like a rat between the two ends,
happy in one and sad in other,
lively in one and dying in other,
See- Saw I play , See - Saw I play.


To believe that life MUST go MY WAY or MY WAY,
To conclude that there isn't any other way,
To suspect every other path that shows up,
Such restlessness and discontentment paralyzes me.


These MUST's have crippled me,
For years, I contort my existence, 
To fit into the design others have made,
except that I forget my own frame every time, each time.


To breathe a MUST everyday ,is venom to my being.
The unfathomable yearn, an eternal desire,
To win, accomplish, label and broadcast,
is a surgery I perform on my self everyday,
dissecting my being if all is well 
stitching it back to see if others see well too.
Unthinkingly, I am a judge for every ticking moment of my life
Giving judgements to my own self
Charged of guilty or Innocent.



...for there aren't any MUST's in life,
And if there are...they MUST NOT be.

I have come to realize, my name isn't an identity just in itself. Standalone it falls ,the crutches of labels- writer, teacher, painter, photographer, dancer - help me stand.  I wonder why? I wonder why I cannot be 'NOTHING'. Can I not be just me sans the labels. Would I still get respect? Would people still admire me, want to befriend me? Would it taint me unambitious and laid back, lacking focus and vision? I met a friend last Thursday.She was accompanied by a friend of her's whom I fleetingly know. Her introduction to me comprised of her name and how talented her children are, how many trophies they have won etc. I was perplexed. I didn't need that. To know that she is Aprajita and a wonderful friend is more than enough. To add that she is sweet, earthly and likes to spend her time with plants would have been an icing.  That's all. No labels, no judgements and no trophies. Sometimes, the best people come sloshed in alcohol with tattoos all over their body.

That's me BUT. 



2 comments:

  1. Who we are???? If not a teacher, writer, mother, actor and so on.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Meenakshi, being a mother is not a graded label. Being a mother of a son who who is an AAPAS student, GATE qualified and swimming champion places that mother above those whose children are not so. I have a discomfort there. Another example- I was accompanied by someone in an OC women's meet. The lady is a SAHM(Stay at home mom). When it was her turn to introduce herself, she got up and said, 'Hi, I am Preetha and I live in Tustin.' She stopped but 30 women kept looking at her for more. She was confused. People wanted to know what she does, what is her business, her brand name etc. Other introductions were pretty much similar- 'Hi, I am Namrata from Four Clover Life.''Hi, I am Priti from Priti Henna Art.' etc. That made me pause and think. Why does everyone need to belong somewhere, have a tag, a label which describes their position in the social set up. Preetha felt really awkward at the silence that stared her and wanted more out of her but she did not have more to offer. Then what?

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